the groundhog day project

I have only one thing further to say about Cutthroat Island . Except, it's not really about the movie itself; rather, it's about Roger Ebert's review . See, he doens't praise it, but he also doesn't seem to find it as boring and distasteful as I do. And, I am surprised by that. "'Cutthroat Island' does not disappoint," he writes. "It touches all [its] bases like clockwork..." Those bases, the tropes of any "decent pirate pictures" according to Roger: (1) an escape from a hostile port; (2) a battle at sea, preferably with broadsides fired and pirates boarding each other's ships; (3) one featured swordfight, (4) a storm at sea, with the survivors washed ashore, and (5) discovery of the treasure and a final confrontation. And, you know what I like about that list? At first blush, my personal favorite pirate movie-- The Pirate Movie --has but one of those, a featured swordfight. Now, at second blush, it's got a storm at...

I have a goal for today. I want to like Cutthroat Island . Despite all of its flaws, I mean. Despite it's simplistic, plot-driven structure. Despite it's excessive length. Despite its unmotivated characters. Despite its generic script. I have my work cut out for me. I suppose there's charm to these opening titles, all the overlaid old maps and maritime illustrations, like the movie really wants to be the definitive pirate movie... And then I'm reminded of The Pirate Movie , and I love that movie. That movie has charm, taking The Pirates of Penzance , already good in its own right, and updating it for the 1980s with a bit of parody to it, with just the right balance of cheese and earnestness. This movie could use a little less earnestness, a little more lightheartedness. Instead of this faux gravitas between Harry (Harris Yulin) and Dawg (Frank Langella). Or, instead of Renny Harlin and Geena Davis getting the studio to basically fund their honeymoon (they married jus...

Case in point: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales . I will keep this short--unlike the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, or any of its action sequences, that just kind of drone on well beyond reasonability. Seriously, each movie is basically the same--Jack, some varied background pirates (I think there are only 2 left from the original bunch), Barbossa, a young man and a young woman, quest for some magical MacGuffin, some supernaturally empowered villains tries to stop them, folks backstab and betray and turn on each other than back to each other, and, oh yeah, gotta throw in some British soldiers chasing after everyone, too. Make. Each action scene about twice as long as it needs to be, throw in some overwrought romance, some one-note characterizations and there's your Pirates of the Caribbean film in a nutshell. Overstuffed and overdone, and mostly just tedious. Maybe one genuinely funny moment. Jack offers Will--I mean, Henry--advice on courting a brunette. ...