I
turned
thirteen
the
year
after
Josh
did.
He
got
the
big
city
fantasy,
the
cool
job
(though
inside
two
months
it's
feeling
less
cool
by
the
time
he
leaves),
the
girlfriend
who
(eventually)
plays
along
with
his
childish
ways,
the
great
apartment
with
the
high
ceilings
and
open
spaces
(I
wanted
Josh's
apartment
so
much
when
I
would
grow
up.
I
mean,
how
could
I
not
think
about
the
things
I
would
want
as
a
grown
up
when
I'm
watching
this
movie.
I've
said
in
this
blog
time
and
time
again
before
that
when
I
was
younger
I
didn't
think
too
seriously
about
the
future,
because,
you
know,
late
-
Cold
-
War
World
War
III
fears
coupled
with
cult
leanings
into
the
end
of
the
world
meant
I
was
bombarded
regularly
by
the
idea
that
I
would
never
actually
have
to
adult.
Certainly
wouldn't
grow
up
to
have
some
corporate
job,
fun
or
not.
And,
I
was
a
sad,
overweight,
late
-
bloomer,
so
the
idea
of
a
girlfriend
who
put
up
with
my
shit
or
not
--
that
was
a
bigger
fantasy
than
most
of
the
movies
I
was
watching.
Riding
my
bike
off
to
hang
out
with
a
friend
like
Josh
does
--
that,
I
did.
We
might
ride
to
each
other's
houses
or
ride
the
mile
or
so
down
to
the
Pac
Man
Arcade,
or
just
look
for
pieces
of
sidewalk
raised
up
by
tree
roots
to
jump
our
bikes
off.
Or
hang
out
at
each
other's
houses.
Play
with
whichever
Venn
diagram
collection
of
Star
Wars
and
G.I.Joe
and
Masters
of
the
Universe
and
M.A.S.K.
and
whatever
else
toys
were
there
and
wish
for
t
hem
over
the
ones
we
had
back
at
our
own
house
because
toys
get
old,
just
like
chores
get
old,
just
like
anything
can
get
old
if
you
don't
change
it
up
from
time
to
time...
Especially
when
the
end
of
the
world
is
nigh
and
all
that,
and
toys
and
movies
is
most
of
what
all
you've
got.
I
mean,
prior
to
the
recent
school
year,
I
had
my
Lone
Wolf
books,
too.
I
had
read
those
and
so
many
Choose
Your
Own
Adventure
books
over
and
over,
let
the
fantasy
of
other
worlds
and
other
adventures,
even
min
us
the
big
(or
small*)
screen,
sink
in
and
take
over
my
imagination
because
that
made
life
better,
then.
(*
that
spring,
I'd
been
watching
awesome
stuff
like
Werewolf,
Macgyver,
21
Jump
Street,
Cagney
&
Lacey,
Moonlighting,
Jake
and
the
Fatman,
The
Equalizer,
Probe,
Max
Headroom,
Simon
&
Simon,
High
Mountain
Rangers,
and
Tour
of
Duty.
And,
that's
just
the
dramas.
Cops,
adventures,
science
fiction,
even
horror
.)
I
think
I've
written
in
this
blog
before
about
mixing
and
matching
different
brands
and
types
of
toys.
Grimlock
and
Xamot
would
fight
right
alongside
a
Tonka
truck
and
a
stuffed
bear
because
in
my
head,
the
reality
didn't
matter
as
much
as
the
story
I
could
put
together
and
act
out.
Even
when
a
friend
wasn't
over.
And,
I
was
trying
to
write
my
own
stories
from
at
least
as
early
as
the
4th
grade,
and
that's
just
the
ones
I
still
have
pieces
of.
It
was
in
the
7th
or
8th
grade
--
7th
was
right
before
Big,
8th
was
right
after
--
that
I
finally
wrote
something
that
I
finished.
A
short
story
about
a
vampire.
It
was
called
Blood
Withdrawal,
because
I
was
already
a
melodramatic
proto
-
emo
nerd
kid
even
before
I
was
a
teenager.
And,
it
wasn't
very
good.
But,
that
didn't
stop
me
from
making
a
couple
copies
that
ended
up
circling
around
the
school.
And
it
didn't
stop
me
from
trying
to
expand
it
into
a
novel
a
few
years
later
that
I
would
never
finish.
I
don't
rightly
know
when
I
stopped
operating
as
if
the
world
was
ending.
I
mean,
I
went
to
college
right
out
of
high
school,
wanted
to
go
to
film
school
but
didn't
get
in,
and
I
think
even
before
I
was
there
I
was
well
on
my
way
to
rejecting
my
religious
upbringing.
Had
I
gotten
t
he
chance
at
13
like
Josh
to
fast
forward
to
adulthood,
maybe
I
would
have
gotten
there
sooner,
realized
the
world
was
far
bigger
--
no
--
far
greater
than
the
one
I
had
been
raised
in,
and
managed
something
more.
But,
looking
back
now,
I
can't
thin
k
too
far
in
that
direction
because
different
college
choice
out
of
high
school
means
different
jobs
in
my
20s
means
I
probably
don't
spend
so
much
time
online
as
soon
as
I've
got
regular
access,
and
I
don't
meet
two
girlfriends
and
then
my
wife
online
and
I
don't
have
my
kids,
I
don't
go
back
to
school,
I
don't
write
this
blog,
or
podcast,
or
any
of
the
anything
I've
done
in
all
those
years
since.
I'm
sure
I'd
have
done
something
similar,
but
I
don't
want
something
similar.
I
want
this
branch
of
the
multiverse
I'm
on
right
now,
where
my
kids
are
great,
my
wife
is
great,
I
write
and
talk
about
movies
all
the
time,
and
I
guess
I
get
paid
to
teach,
too.
If
you've
kept
up
with
this
blog
from
the
beginning,
you
know
that
grad
school
and
teaching
have
b
een
a
far
bigger
piece
of
my
recent
years
that's
the
previous
phrasing
implies.
But,
this
is
the
blog
where
I'm
saying
this
so
it's
the
movie
talk
that
matters,
and
the
relationships,
but
let
me
get
out
of
the
parenthetical
for
the
latter...)
but
he's
got
no
other
friends,
no
family.
All
that
space
and
all
those
toys
won't
mean
much
for
long
without
other
people.
And,
he
Is
leaving
his
best
friend
Billy
behind
almost
immediately,
and
he's
going
to
have
trouble
relating
to
Susan
the
more
the
y
are
together,
I
would
think,
because
he's
not
just
a
fellow
adult
with
a
spark
of
innocence
and
fun
about
him,
he
is
a
kid
playing
a
part.
By
the
end
of
the
film,
he's
getting
pretty
good
at
playing
that
part,
but
it
is
still
just
a
part
unless
he
is
going
to
change
some
fundamental
things
about
himself,
and
those
fundamental
things
are
not
meant
to
be
changed
so
quickly,
magically.
You
need
the
hard
years
to
be
ready
for
the
better
ones.
You
gotta
drop
out
of
USC
so
you
can
go
to
CSULA
all
those
years
later.
Gotta
be
awkward
around
girls
(unless
you're
friends
with
them)
so
that
years
later
you
can
meet
and
marry
Sarah
and
she
will
put
up
with
all
of
your
craziness
and
your
obsession
with
movies,
and
one
day
last
month
she
recorded
a
guest
spot
on
one
of
your
podcasts
and
now
she
is
starting
one
of
her
own
and,
sure,
there
is
a
pandemic
out
there,
but
life
in
your
apartment
is
pretty
good,
and
Big
is
on
again
and
Tom
Hanks'
performance
is
great,
and
he's
only
up
to
his
first
sleep
over
with
Susan
but
I
think
I'm
watching
the
extended
version
of
the
film
tomorrow
so
I'll
rant
again
then.
No comments:
Post a Comment